Longing to Nest

8/29/2010

We've been officially working on our adoption for just over 6 months. So, as I figure, I'm entering my 3rd trimester. Yes, I know it's likely it will take more than 9 months to have a little girl in my arms. It's just that I've done the pregnancy thing 4 times before and that's what I relate my experience to, at least emotinally. When we decided to actually dive into the process we were excited, scared, unsure of all of the unknowns. Then we had to tell our families, and friends. Really, it's amazing how we're going through all the same emotions as pregnancy. Now we've been at this for 6 months. I'm getting very anxious! It feels like we've been working on this for a long time, and I'm ready to move onto the next phase. I want to nest!!!!

We have bedrooms all planned out. We have 5 bedrooms in our house, so right now each of the kids have their own rooms. The plan is, when Dylan goes off to the Airforce Kameron will move down to his old bedroom and Kam's bedroom will become the girl's room. When Dylan comes home on leave, he'll have to shack up with Kam. They are both in agreement with this plan. Of course, Dylan is not leaving for the Airforce for the next couple of months (there is a waiting list right now and he has to wait until an opening comes available in the careers he's interested in). This means that Kam cannot move, I cannot paint his blue room pink and I have no where to put prettly little girl things. All I have is a bed (we still need to buy a new mattress and boxspring), bedding (it's a pretty little cherry blossom designed quilt set...so cute!!!), a soft little teddy bear wearing a little pink dress with "little princess" on it, a pink "special blanket" (all the boys had one when they were little and they all still have them, it's tradition). That's it. We don't have any girl toys or any girl clothes, or little pink shoes, or hair ribbons, or sparkley nail polish, or dolls or girly bikes or anything. (Can you tell I'm longing to nest!!!) The problem is...we don't now what we're having besides a girl or maybe 2. See, we're open to siblings, so we don't know how many, we're open to any race, so I'd like to have pictures, dolls, etc. that celebrate her (or their) culture. And we are open with age up to 7 years old, so I don't know what size. Every time I walk through a store I gravitate to the girls section and longingly browse through all the pink things. I'd love to start buying clothes, or shoes, or something. But, alas, I must be patient, as any expecting mother.

I guess I need to remind myself, that it's not things and stuff that she'll need when she arrives, rather it's love, acceptance, patience, and faith. We already have everything she'll need. Just as with pregnancy, this little girl is growing in my heart. I already love her as if she were mine, I pray for her and her family every day. I know God has made her a part of our family even now when we don't know anything about her. I may not feel her growing in my belly, but I definitely feel her growing in my heart.