I'm going to share the emails back and forth between us and the social worker through now as they really are the best summary of what's been happening. I know this is long, but it is nice to see how the transition/visitatin process goes. As you can see, our adventure started on May 1st and today is July 6th. We just had our first overnight, and no move date yet. I'm trying to be patient and trust that everything will work out in God's time.
May 1, 2013
From us to SW:
Yeah, Spring and yeah, a little girl! We would like to be considered for M, and we'd like to see a photo when you get one. We would like to know more about her, her needs, and history. Where is she living now? How long has she been in foster care? Things like that first.
We've discovered an awesome dog park just outside our town and have all, including the dogs, been enjoying being outdoors in the sunshine.
Just last night Harmony saw the streak across the sky of a jet plane and thought it was a shooting star. Her brothers corrected her and then they were all talking about what their wish would be if it had been a falling star. All the boys were talking about thier wishes, and Harmony was just quiet. Then I asked her what she would wish for... she said in a quiet little voice... a sister.
From SW to us:
I am waiting to hear back from the worker. I can let you know more when I do. I have not received the picture yet. I believe that she has been in foster care for a while because they are at the TPR phase and don’t want to TPR without a resource. She was previously in an adoptive home but there was a disruption. I am unsure of the reason.
May 17, 2013
From SW to us:
I have heard news! The worker would like to consider your family for M, so I am going to connect with her today and see if she can give you a call. After you talk and you feel you still want to proceed, I will ask her to get a packet of information ready for you to review.
From us to SW:
That is wonderful! This part of the process confuses me a little. When you say the worker would like to consider us, does that mean that she is considering other families as well at the same time? Or do they just consider one family at a time?
From SW to us:
I don’t believe that she is considering any other families at this moment. They usually only pursue one family at a time. Maybe that would be a better way to put it. I guess I say consider because you could always hear the information and not want to move forward. Just a poor choice of words on my part☺
May 21, 2013
From us to SW:
M's SW still has not called me. We have so many questions and really
are excited to learn more about M. I know you are all super busy,
and I'm trying to be patient. Just wanted to touch base with you.
From SW to us:
I actually just spoke to her yesterday in person because I was at a meeting with her. I know she plans to call you very soon. Hopefully you will hear from her today. I know it is hard to be patient in a situation as exciting as this. Just get your questions ready and written out:)
* we spoke with M's SW on May 23rd. She shared a more detailed history of M and answered many of our questions. She informed us that there was court on the 30th for TPR. This is an important step in the process. Untill this is established, M could always be returned to her birth mother and we may not get to be a part of her life. Of course we were very anxious to hear how this turned out. But again we waited...
*Our SW called us on June 3rd to tell us the court hearing was continued later this month. In the mean time we proceed with the transition process of getting to know M and planning for her move to our home as a foster placement.
May 22, 2013:
From us to SW:
Hi Christine,
I finially was able to talk with Jessica about M. Her story is so sad, but she is young and sounds like a strong little girl. It sounds like she has so much potential if we can just help her heart to heal. I talked with Steve after talking with Jessica. We both are very committed to her and the process. Jessica will be arranging a meeting at our home for M's team, you and Steve and I for next week Tuesday afternoon. We're excited to learn more about M and to start planning to meet her. Thank you again for all of your support through this roller coaster of a process.
June 3, 2013:
From us to SW:
I don't mean to be pesty, but I'm wondering how court went last
Thursday and if we are going to be able to meet M this week.
From SW to us:
Hi ReBecca-
>
> I am so sorry. I have been dealing with an emergency and didn’t get a
> chance to call you last week. We finished all the testimony from the
> court hearing; however, the Judge indicated that he needed some time
> to think about his final decision. Our next court hearing is scheduled
> for June 21st at 1:30pm. Because we do not have a final decision, I
> want to talk to M's therapist (Kate) about what is the best way
> to introduce you at this point while the TPR is still pending. As soon
> as I am able to touch base with her, I will give you a call with a
> plan for meeting M. Thank you so much for your patience with all
> of this. I am very excited for M to meet you!!
From us to SW:
I'm not sure if you got my phone message or not. Steve and I have talked
and prayed about M. We both feel strongly about supporting her
regardless of what happens. We're excited to move forward. Just let
just let us know when we can plan to meet her. Thanks for all of your
help with this process. Thanks!
June 6, 2013
From SW to us:
Hi ReBecca,
This is great news! I am so excited. The next step is for me to talk with M's current foster parents about what their
Kate (M's therapist) stated that it would be best for you to meet M in her current foster home or in the community to start. Can you provide me with your availability of what days/times work best for you?
Also, I am going to put together a contact sheet of all the names and numbers of people involved in M's team. Then you can also start contacting service providers as well. I am hoping to talk with the foster parents today or tomorrow morning and will then give you a call.
Thanks!!
From us to SW:
We are very excited as well. Harmony and I were out shopping yesterday looking at little girl clothes, wondering what sizeM wears and if she has clothes, shoes, coats, bedding, toys, etc. Steve and I can be available most any time with a little notice. We can talk more about those details when you call.
June 10, 2013
From SW to us:
Hi Rebecca-
I had an opportunity to speak with M's foster parents and they are definitely open to having you come to their home to meet her. The only problem is that they are out of town this week and M is in respite so we will have to hold off for one more week. I am including the foster parent's information below. Feel free to give them a call to set something up. I believe they get back next Monday (6/17). Please let me know if there if you have any difficulties getting in contact with the foster parents or need assistance facilitating anything. Thanks so much for your patience! We are getting closer :)
June 20, 2013:
From us to SW:
Hi Christine,
I just wanted to touch base with you to let you know that I finally was able to talk to M's foster mom yesterday and I will be meeting them this afternoon. Just me today. We're going to a park. We're going to set up another visit for Steve and I on Sunday afternoon. I'll let you know how it goes. Happy Day! :)
ReBecca
June 21, 2013
From SW to us:
Hey ReBecca-
Just wanted to check in and make sure you have been able to touch base with the current foster mother about scheduling a visit with M. We have court this afternoon so I will keep you posted on how that goes.
Thanks!
From us to SW:
Hi Jessica,
I actually went to the foster home to meet M yesterday at the foster parent's home. We; foster mom and I and M (as they and we will call her for short), went for a walk and had watermellon in the back yard. The guardian ad litem stopped by the house to talk with foster mom and sat down with me to briefly chat about Steve and I and our level of commitment. I assured her we are 100% committed to whatever, for however long M needs us. She told me about court today. I'm anxiously waiting to hear how that goes. Steve and I and Harmony are planning to go to the foster home to visit again on Sunday. M said that she'd like to go to a park. foster mom will, of course, go with us. M was sweet, yet quite hesitant of me yesterday. We just hung out as friends, no talk of anything more. When foster mom went inside to talk with the Guardian ad litem, M and I were outside with foster dad and the other kids. then M approached me and sat next to me, then slowly leaned on me. I asked her if she wanted to sit on my lap while we ate watermellon, she said yes. It's good to see her bonded with the foster parents, they are wonderful people, and are doing a great job with M.
Please let me know what happens in court today. Thanks!
* The SW called me the next day to let me know how court went. She said that the judge heard all of the testimony but wanted time to process and will give his decision in writting within the next 10 business days. More waiting...
* My first time meeting M was on Wednesday June 23rd. I was off of work and went to the foster home to spend a little time with M. She was quite shy and quiet, maybe scared and confused too. From my perspective she was a beautiful little girl with a sparkel in her eyes and a smile that melted my heart.
* Steve and I went the next Saturday to visit again.
June 24, 2013
From us to SW:
Happy Monday Ladies!
We met with M and the foster family yesterday. We visited at their
home and went to a park to play. This time Steve and I went and we also
took Harmony with us. M seemed more relaxed and willing to interact
with all of us this visit. We were there for about 3 hours. The
foster family made food, so we ate a late lunch together, then we spent
time jumping rope, blowing bubbles and drawing with sidewalk chalk. M
wanted to go to the park so foster dad took us and all the kids to a school
playground to play on. There we played on the sand went down the slide
and played on the swings together. M was a little timid of Harmony,
and Harmony was very guiet and gentle with M.
M was much more comfortable with me this visit. She sat by me, held my
hand and asked to sit on my lap at different times. She played with me
at the park nice as well. A couple of times I had to redirect her; one
time she spit water on me and another time she threw garbage on the
ground. Each time I addressed the behavior gently, and she reponded
well. She appologized for spitting and picked up her garbage and placed
it into a garbage can. I have some concern about M's academic and
emotional readiness for Kindergarten. For example, she is not sure of
colors, is not able to write her name, and was not able to sing her
ABC's. We can talk more about this later.
After my first visit on Wednesday, foster mom reported that M had a
difficult time sleeping and was acting up significantly for her. I have
not heard how she did last night. I know she has a therapy session
today. I hope things go well for that. We have not made any plans for
another visit as we are waiting to see what the two of you and the
therapist suggest. Please keep us informed as to what we should do
next.
Thank you both for all of your help and suppot in this!
ReBecca
June 25, 2013
From us to SW:
Hi ladies,
I have off of work tomorrow and am wondering if I should be setting up a
visit with M.
ReBecca
From SW to us:
Hello,
Sounds like things are really moving along. That is great! Do you guys feel comfortable moving quickly? I know the slow transition was hard on everyone with Harmony. How did she feel about the visit this weekend? Thank you for keeping me up to date. I hope as time goes on M gets more and more comfortable.
Christine
From SW to us:
Hey ReBecca-
Yes, I think that would be great. I talked with foster mom about having you pick up M and do something with her alone in the community (if you are comfortable with that). I met withM's treatment team today and the therapist is thinking that the quicker we move, the better. I want to hook you up with the service providers but I have to get consent forms signed first, so we have to hold on a little bit longer before you can connect with them. In the meantime, whatever you and foster mom want to arrange in terms of visits is fine with me.
I'm glad the visit on Saturday went well for the most part. I think this transition is going to be difficult for M but obviously very rewarding in the long run! :) Keep me posted on what you and foster mom work out and let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Also, I am going to grad school this fall and will be temporarily leaving the agency to do so. My last day will be at the end of July. I am going to continue to work with you and M until that time but wanted you to have some notice in advance. The new worker will be SG and I have included her on this e-mail. She has already started attending meetings related to M and we are hoping for a smoother transition in doing it this way. I have not told M that I am leaving; however, the foster parents are aware and have met SG.
Again, thanks for everything and let me know if you need anything!
From us to SW:
Hi Jessica,
Congratulations on going back to school, although it has been nice working with you so far and I'd like you to be able to follow M through the move to our home. I'm sure SG will be good as well. Foster mom and I have been talking, and I'm going to go take M out for a couple hours on my own tomorrow afternoon. I'm thinking the zoo if it's nice. We can just take our time and walk around. We would like to see her again this upcoming weekend so Steve can spend a little time with her again. Have you heard anything from the judge concerning the TPR?
ReBecca
June 27, 2013:
From us to SW:
Hi ladies,
I went to spend time with M yesterday afternoon. My son Dominic and I took her to the Betty Brimm Children's museum. It went very well. She ran up to me and gave me a hug when I arrived at her home, then was happy to go with me in my van. At the museum she was good, very busy and ran from one thing to another, it's a pretty stimulating environment. If I called her name she stopped and looked at me. She listened well, and interacted well with my son. She didn't want to leave the museum, but did follow along after a couple minutes. No tears or yelling. We got an ice cream and ate it outside. We took her back home when our time was up and she asked if Dominic and I coudl stay and play for a while. When we told her that we had to go home she climbed back in our van and said that she wanted to go with us. She refused to come out of the van for a few minutes. We told her that we would come back to see her soon. She then got out of the van and said good bye. We'd like to see her again over the weekend if you both think that is appropriate. I'm not sure how often or quick we should move. So far things seem to be going well, but I don't think she knows about moving yet. We have not said anything about that and I know the foster parents have not either.
Let us know how we should proceed.
Thanks for all of your support!
ReBecca
July 1, 2013
From us to SW:
Good morning and happy Monday ladies !
Steve, Harmony and I had a great visit with M yesterday. We picked
her up at noon and took her to the Milwaukee Zoo for the afternoon. She
did great with us, she stayed by us and was very well behaved, easily
redirectable when needing to be redirected. We brought her home by 6
pm. She was fine all day, she was asking us questions about our house,
our other kids, and said that "the worker said it was ok for me to go to
your house". I'd like to talk with you, SW, about the next steps.
Foster mom called when we were on our way home stating that M was already
acting up at home. I know she's confused. Any idea when we can start
telling her about her move. I really do not like being dishonest with
her. She's a smart girl and knows something is happening. I think it
would be good for all of us to be able to listen to her and talk with
her about this before it happens so she has time to process it. the foster mom
had mentioned us doing an overnight next, then maybe a move. We do have
a 4 day camping trip planned for July 11th-14th. We would be happy to
take M if we are at that point by then. I'd just like to know the
plan so I can plan appropriately. Please give me a call
Thanks.
ReBecca
From SW to us:
ReBecca,
I'm so glad the visit went well! I am going to forward this on to M's therapist to get her input and then I will give you a call. I'm assuming she will say the quicker we move, the better; but I just want to make sure. I e-mailed the GAL on Friday to see if anyone had received a decision from the Judge regarding the TPR but it is not in yet.
As soon as I speak with the therapist, I will call you. I am also going to try to get consents signed by mom today or tomorrow so you can talk to the therapist as well.
Thanks for the update and talk to you soon!
From us to SW:
Thanks for responding so quick. :) I think it would be great if I could speak with M's therapist directly. It feels as though communication is always coming second hand at this point, although I know that is just how it has to be. M is such a sweet little girl who has already been through so much. It's hard to hear that she is struggling with this after our visits. We are ready for her as soon as her team feels it's best for her. I'm interviewing child care facilities this week so we will have that set up and I'm starting the registration for 4K in our school district just in case, (the registration is due this month). I want to leave that option open for her. I strongly feel that she is not ready for kindergarden this upcoming school year, and I want her to feel ready so she can have a sucessful school experience when she does go. Yesterday Harmony and M played Alphabet bingo in the car. She was not able to identify any of the letters. Harmony and M each drew a flower picture. Harmony wrote her name on her picture, and asked M if she could write the letters from her name too. She could not write any. Harmony wrote it for her then she traced it, but struggled with even that. I know I'm rambling, sorry, I just have a lot running through my head. I look forward to hearing from you later today. Thanks!
* On July 3, 2013 the SW called me to let me know that they had received the judges written decision and that he ruled for TPR. she warned me that there will most likely be an appeal process next, but that this ruling is very important and will stand unless new evidence is presented.
July 5, 2013
From us to SW:
Hi ladies,
We had a really good day with M on July 4th. We picked her up a little after 8am and brought her back to our house. Our family all went to the parade in the morning. The parade route is walking distance from our home so we walked down. M did great for the first hour and a half, then was getting hot and restless. I took her back to the house and Steve stayed with the other kids. She was fine once we got home and played with a baby doll in the stroller. Later we went to a friends house for a cook out and swimming. She was great! Steve and I each had to do one time out with her, but not for anything major. One time she was going up on the pool deck after being told several times not to. I just walked up to her and told her she was going to have to sit in time out for a few minutes for not listening. She walked right over to the time out lawn chair and sat quietly. After a couple minutes I approached her and asked her why she had to sit. She knew that she had gone up to the pool deck when she was told not to. I explained to her that we want her to be safe, and she needed to wait until a grown up was in the pool to go in. She seemed to understand, said she was sorry, and was done. I know we are still very new and she is most likely honeymooning, but it was good to see that she understands the concept of timeouts and is able to take a time out without major incident. Those were the only times for the entire 2 days. She played nice with all the other kids, swam like a fish in the pool, has no fear of water. She approached Steve and I when she needed things or had questions. She asked us to "cuddle her up" with a towel when she was cold, and called us mom and dad, like all the other kids. She scrapped her toe by the pool and appropriately came to me to make her feel better. Our friends has a little bike with training wheels and a helmet that their daughter has outgrown. They said Mya could have them. She was so excited when she saw it! She rode that bike all around singing about riding a bike. It was so cute! She ate well (for a little girl) and when it was time to go, told everybody goodbye and happy 4th. That evening we went to the fireworks down at the park. She was not afraid at all, but was more interested in her stuffed animal and the other kids than the fireworks. We got home late and everyone got ready for bed. She didn't want to go to bed, but after a story, prayers and me sitting in the room for a while, maybe 30 minutes, with a book reminding her it was time to lay down quietly she fell asleep and slept all night. She woke up around 7:30am. We made pancakes, per M's request, she ate well, took her pills well and then played with Harmony for a while until it was time to go back to to her foster home. She fell asleep on the way there as it is about an hour drive. When we got to the foster home she clung to foster mom. I could see her anxiety over the transition. We need to be able to talk with her about the move. And we need the foster parents to be able to assure her that this is a good thing and that it's ok to like us. M was happy and fine with us, but when we got back to the foster home, she would hardly even say good bye to me. I know this is normal, and Harmony did the same thing after visits, but it's difficult. The transition is hard on everyone. We have our camping trip planned for July 11th through the 14th. That's next week. Jessica had said that we could take M with us. She has therapy on Monday. Please let me know how that goes and what we can expect next now that the judge ruled for TPR. Thank you both for all of your time and support for all of us involved in this process.
ReBecca
* The more we get to spend time and get to know M, the more difficult it is to take her back after each visit. She is definitely growing in all of our hearts and hopefully we are growing in her's as well..
May 1, 2013
From us to SW:
Yeah, Spring and yeah, a little girl! We would like to be considered for M, and we'd like to see a photo when you get one. We would like to know more about her, her needs, and history. Where is she living now? How long has she been in foster care? Things like that first.
We've discovered an awesome dog park just outside our town and have all, including the dogs, been enjoying being outdoors in the sunshine.
Just last night Harmony saw the streak across the sky of a jet plane and thought it was a shooting star. Her brothers corrected her and then they were all talking about what their wish would be if it had been a falling star. All the boys were talking about thier wishes, and Harmony was just quiet. Then I asked her what she would wish for... she said in a quiet little voice... a sister.
From SW to us:
I am waiting to hear back from the worker. I can let you know more when I do. I have not received the picture yet. I believe that she has been in foster care for a while because they are at the TPR phase and don’t want to TPR without a resource. She was previously in an adoptive home but there was a disruption. I am unsure of the reason.
May 17, 2013
From SW to us:
I have heard news! The worker would like to consider your family for M, so I am going to connect with her today and see if she can give you a call. After you talk and you feel you still want to proceed, I will ask her to get a packet of information ready for you to review.
From us to SW:
That is wonderful! This part of the process confuses me a little. When you say the worker would like to consider us, does that mean that she is considering other families as well at the same time? Or do they just consider one family at a time?
From SW to us:
I don’t believe that she is considering any other families at this moment. They usually only pursue one family at a time. Maybe that would be a better way to put it. I guess I say consider because you could always hear the information and not want to move forward. Just a poor choice of words on my part☺
May 21, 2013
From us to SW:
M's SW still has not called me. We have so many questions and really
are excited to learn more about M. I know you are all super busy,
and I'm trying to be patient. Just wanted to touch base with you.
From SW to us:
I actually just spoke to her yesterday in person because I was at a meeting with her. I know she plans to call you very soon. Hopefully you will hear from her today. I know it is hard to be patient in a situation as exciting as this. Just get your questions ready and written out:)
* we spoke with M's SW on May 23rd. She shared a more detailed history of M and answered many of our questions. She informed us that there was court on the 30th for TPR. This is an important step in the process. Untill this is established, M could always be returned to her birth mother and we may not get to be a part of her life. Of course we were very anxious to hear how this turned out. But again we waited...
*Our SW called us on June 3rd to tell us the court hearing was continued later this month. In the mean time we proceed with the transition process of getting to know M and planning for her move to our home as a foster placement.
May 22, 2013:
From us to SW:
Hi Christine,
I finially was able to talk with Jessica about M. Her story is so sad, but she is young and sounds like a strong little girl. It sounds like she has so much potential if we can just help her heart to heal. I talked with Steve after talking with Jessica. We both are very committed to her and the process. Jessica will be arranging a meeting at our home for M's team, you and Steve and I for next week Tuesday afternoon. We're excited to learn more about M and to start planning to meet her. Thank you again for all of your support through this roller coaster of a process.
June 3, 2013:
From us to SW:
I don't mean to be pesty, but I'm wondering how court went last
Thursday and if we are going to be able to meet M this week.
From SW to us:
Hi ReBecca-
>
> I am so sorry. I have been dealing with an emergency and didn’t get a
> chance to call you last week. We finished all the testimony from the
> court hearing; however, the Judge indicated that he needed some time
> to think about his final decision. Our next court hearing is scheduled
> for June 21st at 1:30pm. Because we do not have a final decision, I
> want to talk to M's therapist (Kate) about what is the best way
> to introduce you at this point while the TPR is still pending. As soon
> as I am able to touch base with her, I will give you a call with a
> plan for meeting M. Thank you so much for your patience with all
> of this. I am very excited for M to meet you!!
From us to SW:
I'm not sure if you got my phone message or not. Steve and I have talked
and prayed about M. We both feel strongly about supporting her
regardless of what happens. We're excited to move forward. Just let
just let us know when we can plan to meet her. Thanks for all of your
help with this process. Thanks!
June 6, 2013
From SW to us:
Hi ReBecca,
This is great news! I am so excited. The next step is for me to talk with M's current foster parents about what their
Kate (M's therapist) stated that it would be best for you to meet M in her current foster home or in the community to start. Can you provide me with your availability of what days/times work best for you?
Also, I am going to put together a contact sheet of all the names and numbers of people involved in M's team. Then you can also start contacting service providers as well. I am hoping to talk with the foster parents today or tomorrow morning and will then give you a call.
Thanks!!
From us to SW:
We are very excited as well. Harmony and I were out shopping yesterday looking at little girl clothes, wondering what sizeM wears and if she has clothes, shoes, coats, bedding, toys, etc. Steve and I can be available most any time with a little notice. We can talk more about those details when you call.
June 10, 2013
From SW to us:
Hi Rebecca-
I had an opportunity to speak with M's foster parents and they are definitely open to having you come to their home to meet her. The only problem is that they are out of town this week and M is in respite so we will have to hold off for one more week. I am including the foster parent's information below. Feel free to give them a call to set something up. I believe they get back next Monday (6/17). Please let me know if there if you have any difficulties getting in contact with the foster parents or need assistance facilitating anything. Thanks so much for your patience! We are getting closer :)
June 20, 2013:
From us to SW:
Hi Christine,
I just wanted to touch base with you to let you know that I finally was able to talk to M's foster mom yesterday and I will be meeting them this afternoon. Just me today. We're going to a park. We're going to set up another visit for Steve and I on Sunday afternoon. I'll let you know how it goes. Happy Day! :)
ReBecca
June 21, 2013
From SW to us:
Hey ReBecca-
Just wanted to check in and make sure you have been able to touch base with the current foster mother about scheduling a visit with M. We have court this afternoon so I will keep you posted on how that goes.
Thanks!
From us to SW:
Hi Jessica,
I actually went to the foster home to meet M yesterday at the foster parent's home. We; foster mom and I and M (as they and we will call her for short), went for a walk and had watermellon in the back yard. The guardian ad litem stopped by the house to talk with foster mom and sat down with me to briefly chat about Steve and I and our level of commitment. I assured her we are 100% committed to whatever, for however long M needs us. She told me about court today. I'm anxiously waiting to hear how that goes. Steve and I and Harmony are planning to go to the foster home to visit again on Sunday. M said that she'd like to go to a park. foster mom will, of course, go with us. M was sweet, yet quite hesitant of me yesterday. We just hung out as friends, no talk of anything more. When foster mom went inside to talk with the Guardian ad litem, M and I were outside with foster dad and the other kids. then M approached me and sat next to me, then slowly leaned on me. I asked her if she wanted to sit on my lap while we ate watermellon, she said yes. It's good to see her bonded with the foster parents, they are wonderful people, and are doing a great job with M.
Please let me know what happens in court today. Thanks!
* The SW called me the next day to let me know how court went. She said that the judge heard all of the testimony but wanted time to process and will give his decision in writting within the next 10 business days. More waiting...
* My first time meeting M was on Wednesday June 23rd. I was off of work and went to the foster home to spend a little time with M. She was quite shy and quiet, maybe scared and confused too. From my perspective she was a beautiful little girl with a sparkel in her eyes and a smile that melted my heart.
* Steve and I went the next Saturday to visit again.
June 24, 2013
From us to SW:
Happy Monday Ladies!
We met with M and the foster family yesterday. We visited at their
home and went to a park to play. This time Steve and I went and we also
took Harmony with us. M seemed more relaxed and willing to interact
with all of us this visit. We were there for about 3 hours. The
foster family made food, so we ate a late lunch together, then we spent
time jumping rope, blowing bubbles and drawing with sidewalk chalk. M
wanted to go to the park so foster dad took us and all the kids to a school
playground to play on. There we played on the sand went down the slide
and played on the swings together. M was a little timid of Harmony,
and Harmony was very guiet and gentle with M.
M was much more comfortable with me this visit. She sat by me, held my
hand and asked to sit on my lap at different times. She played with me
at the park nice as well. A couple of times I had to redirect her; one
time she spit water on me and another time she threw garbage on the
ground. Each time I addressed the behavior gently, and she reponded
well. She appologized for spitting and picked up her garbage and placed
it into a garbage can. I have some concern about M's academic and
emotional readiness for Kindergarten. For example, she is not sure of
colors, is not able to write her name, and was not able to sing her
ABC's. We can talk more about this later.
After my first visit on Wednesday, foster mom reported that M had a
difficult time sleeping and was acting up significantly for her. I have
not heard how she did last night. I know she has a therapy session
today. I hope things go well for that. We have not made any plans for
another visit as we are waiting to see what the two of you and the
therapist suggest. Please keep us informed as to what we should do
next.
Thank you both for all of your help and suppot in this!
ReBecca
June 25, 2013
From us to SW:
Hi ladies,
I have off of work tomorrow and am wondering if I should be setting up a
visit with M.
ReBecca
From SW to us:
Hello,
Sounds like things are really moving along. That is great! Do you guys feel comfortable moving quickly? I know the slow transition was hard on everyone with Harmony. How did she feel about the visit this weekend? Thank you for keeping me up to date. I hope as time goes on M gets more and more comfortable.
Christine
From SW to us:
Hey ReBecca-
Yes, I think that would be great. I talked with foster mom about having you pick up M and do something with her alone in the community (if you are comfortable with that). I met withM's treatment team today and the therapist is thinking that the quicker we move, the better. I want to hook you up with the service providers but I have to get consent forms signed first, so we have to hold on a little bit longer before you can connect with them. In the meantime, whatever you and foster mom want to arrange in terms of visits is fine with me.
I'm glad the visit on Saturday went well for the most part. I think this transition is going to be difficult for M but obviously very rewarding in the long run! :) Keep me posted on what you and foster mom work out and let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Also, I am going to grad school this fall and will be temporarily leaving the agency to do so. My last day will be at the end of July. I am going to continue to work with you and M until that time but wanted you to have some notice in advance. The new worker will be SG and I have included her on this e-mail. She has already started attending meetings related to M and we are hoping for a smoother transition in doing it this way. I have not told M that I am leaving; however, the foster parents are aware and have met SG.
Again, thanks for everything and let me know if you need anything!
From us to SW:
Hi Jessica,
Congratulations on going back to school, although it has been nice working with you so far and I'd like you to be able to follow M through the move to our home. I'm sure SG will be good as well. Foster mom and I have been talking, and I'm going to go take M out for a couple hours on my own tomorrow afternoon. I'm thinking the zoo if it's nice. We can just take our time and walk around. We would like to see her again this upcoming weekend so Steve can spend a little time with her again. Have you heard anything from the judge concerning the TPR?
ReBecca
June 27, 2013:
From us to SW:
Hi ladies,
I went to spend time with M yesterday afternoon. My son Dominic and I took her to the Betty Brimm Children's museum. It went very well. She ran up to me and gave me a hug when I arrived at her home, then was happy to go with me in my van. At the museum she was good, very busy and ran from one thing to another, it's a pretty stimulating environment. If I called her name she stopped and looked at me. She listened well, and interacted well with my son. She didn't want to leave the museum, but did follow along after a couple minutes. No tears or yelling. We got an ice cream and ate it outside. We took her back home when our time was up and she asked if Dominic and I coudl stay and play for a while. When we told her that we had to go home she climbed back in our van and said that she wanted to go with us. She refused to come out of the van for a few minutes. We told her that we would come back to see her soon. She then got out of the van and said good bye. We'd like to see her again over the weekend if you both think that is appropriate. I'm not sure how often or quick we should move. So far things seem to be going well, but I don't think she knows about moving yet. We have not said anything about that and I know the foster parents have not either.
Let us know how we should proceed.
Thanks for all of your support!
ReBecca
July 1, 2013
From us to SW:
Good morning and happy Monday ladies !
Steve, Harmony and I had a great visit with M yesterday. We picked
her up at noon and took her to the Milwaukee Zoo for the afternoon. She
did great with us, she stayed by us and was very well behaved, easily
redirectable when needing to be redirected. We brought her home by 6
pm. She was fine all day, she was asking us questions about our house,
our other kids, and said that "the worker said it was ok for me to go to
your house". I'd like to talk with you, SW, about the next steps.
Foster mom called when we were on our way home stating that M was already
acting up at home. I know she's confused. Any idea when we can start
telling her about her move. I really do not like being dishonest with
her. She's a smart girl and knows something is happening. I think it
would be good for all of us to be able to listen to her and talk with
her about this before it happens so she has time to process it. the foster mom
had mentioned us doing an overnight next, then maybe a move. We do have
a 4 day camping trip planned for July 11th-14th. We would be happy to
take M if we are at that point by then. I'd just like to know the
plan so I can plan appropriately. Please give me a call
Thanks.
ReBecca
From SW to us:
ReBecca,
I'm so glad the visit went well! I am going to forward this on to M's therapist to get her input and then I will give you a call. I'm assuming she will say the quicker we move, the better; but I just want to make sure. I e-mailed the GAL on Friday to see if anyone had received a decision from the Judge regarding the TPR but it is not in yet.
As soon as I speak with the therapist, I will call you. I am also going to try to get consents signed by mom today or tomorrow so you can talk to the therapist as well.
Thanks for the update and talk to you soon!
From us to SW:
Thanks for responding so quick. :) I think it would be great if I could speak with M's therapist directly. It feels as though communication is always coming second hand at this point, although I know that is just how it has to be. M is such a sweet little girl who has already been through so much. It's hard to hear that she is struggling with this after our visits. We are ready for her as soon as her team feels it's best for her. I'm interviewing child care facilities this week so we will have that set up and I'm starting the registration for 4K in our school district just in case, (the registration is due this month). I want to leave that option open for her. I strongly feel that she is not ready for kindergarden this upcoming school year, and I want her to feel ready so she can have a sucessful school experience when she does go. Yesterday Harmony and M played Alphabet bingo in the car. She was not able to identify any of the letters. Harmony and M each drew a flower picture. Harmony wrote her name on her picture, and asked M if she could write the letters from her name too. She could not write any. Harmony wrote it for her then she traced it, but struggled with even that. I know I'm rambling, sorry, I just have a lot running through my head. I look forward to hearing from you later today. Thanks!
* On July 3, 2013 the SW called me to let me know that they had received the judges written decision and that he ruled for TPR. she warned me that there will most likely be an appeal process next, but that this ruling is very important and will stand unless new evidence is presented.
July 5, 2013
From us to SW:
Hi ladies,
We had a really good day with M on July 4th. We picked her up a little after 8am and brought her back to our house. Our family all went to the parade in the morning. The parade route is walking distance from our home so we walked down. M did great for the first hour and a half, then was getting hot and restless. I took her back to the house and Steve stayed with the other kids. She was fine once we got home and played with a baby doll in the stroller. Later we went to a friends house for a cook out and swimming. She was great! Steve and I each had to do one time out with her, but not for anything major. One time she was going up on the pool deck after being told several times not to. I just walked up to her and told her she was going to have to sit in time out for a few minutes for not listening. She walked right over to the time out lawn chair and sat quietly. After a couple minutes I approached her and asked her why she had to sit. She knew that she had gone up to the pool deck when she was told not to. I explained to her that we want her to be safe, and she needed to wait until a grown up was in the pool to go in. She seemed to understand, said she was sorry, and was done. I know we are still very new and she is most likely honeymooning, but it was good to see that she understands the concept of timeouts and is able to take a time out without major incident. Those were the only times for the entire 2 days. She played nice with all the other kids, swam like a fish in the pool, has no fear of water. She approached Steve and I when she needed things or had questions. She asked us to "cuddle her up" with a towel when she was cold, and called us mom and dad, like all the other kids. She scrapped her toe by the pool and appropriately came to me to make her feel better. Our friends has a little bike with training wheels and a helmet that their daughter has outgrown. They said Mya could have them. She was so excited when she saw it! She rode that bike all around singing about riding a bike. It was so cute! She ate well (for a little girl) and when it was time to go, told everybody goodbye and happy 4th. That evening we went to the fireworks down at the park. She was not afraid at all, but was more interested in her stuffed animal and the other kids than the fireworks. We got home late and everyone got ready for bed. She didn't want to go to bed, but after a story, prayers and me sitting in the room for a while, maybe 30 minutes, with a book reminding her it was time to lay down quietly she fell asleep and slept all night. She woke up around 7:30am. We made pancakes, per M's request, she ate well, took her pills well and then played with Harmony for a while until it was time to go back to to her foster home. She fell asleep on the way there as it is about an hour drive. When we got to the foster home she clung to foster mom. I could see her anxiety over the transition. We need to be able to talk with her about the move. And we need the foster parents to be able to assure her that this is a good thing and that it's ok to like us. M was happy and fine with us, but when we got back to the foster home, she would hardly even say good bye to me. I know this is normal, and Harmony did the same thing after visits, but it's difficult. The transition is hard on everyone. We have our camping trip planned for July 11th through the 14th. That's next week. Jessica had said that we could take M with us. She has therapy on Monday. Please let me know how that goes and what we can expect next now that the judge ruled for TPR. Thank you both for all of your time and support for all of us involved in this process.
ReBecca
* The more we get to spend time and get to know M, the more difficult it is to take her back after each visit. She is definitely growing in all of our hearts and hopefully we are growing in her's as well..
